Ok, for some light relief on a Friday, we’re rehashing the classic Chuck Norris Facts to see what would happen if Chuck Norris decided to become a marketing expert and critique your favorite landing page.
Advance warning, this won’t be pretty, but with a bit of luck it should make you laugh.
Chuck Norris Marketing Facts
Here are the top 9 reasons why Mr. Norris should never be allowed near a whiteboard:
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need a call to action. Action needs a call to Chuck.
- PPC no longer stands for Pay-Per-Click. It stands for Pay-Per-Chuck. And in order to see the next page you have to Roundhouse Click on the ad.
- The conversion rate on ChuckNorris.com is whatever Chuck says it is. And as a general rule, it beats the industry average by infinity.
- Chuck Norris generates leads by pointing at people.
If he points at you twice, you lose the right to unsubscribe and your first newborn will be named “eBook” by default.
- When UFC president Dana White asked Chuck Norris to design a landing page for his latest Pay-Per-View campaign; Chuck took out a crayon, artfully sketched a roundhouse kick on the octagon canvas and caught Dana in a Rear Naked Choke… from the front… fully clothed. #TrueStory
- Chuck Norris purposely re-designed a landing page for Vin Diesel and gave it a bounce rate of 200%.
- At a spelling bee in 1947, a young Chuck Norris was asked to spell “optimization”. When the competition judge awoke from his Chuck-induced coma on April 21, 1993, he was swiftly roundhouse kicked in the face by Walker, Texas Ranger… Coincidence? I think not.
- When Chuck Norris visits your landing page, Google Analytics automatically emails you a letter of apology (cc’ing Chuck) to explain why the traffic spike has broken your account, forever.
- When Chuck Norris says a form field is required, he @**#&#! means it.
You’ll know when it’s required by the giant fist icon, Chuck has no respect for asterisks.
One final note…
If you don’t re-tweet this post, Chuck Norris will kick your a**
— Oli Gardner (and Chuck Norris)
The Unbounce Challenge
What else would Chuck Norris do as a marketing expert?
The correct answer is “whatever he wants”. However, if you’ve got some time to kill on a Friday, send us your Chuck Norris marketing facts and we’ll put the best ones in a new list. If Chuck says it’s ok.