Logo's wait in line to be made bigger by Chuck Norris
Ok, for some light relief on a Friday, we’re rehashing the classic Chuck Norris Facts to see what would happen if Chuck Norris decided to become a marketing expert and critique your favorite landing page.
Advance warning, this won’t be pretty, but with a bit of luck it should make you laugh.
Chuck Norris Marketing Facts
Here are the top 9 reasons why Mr. Norris should never be allowed near a whiteboard:
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need a call to action. Action needs a call to Chuck.
- PPC no longer stands for Pay-Per-Click. It stands for Pay-Per-Chuck. And in order to see the next page you have to Roundhouse Click on the ad.
- The conversion rate on ChuckNorris.com is whatever Chuck says it is. And as a general rule, it beats the industry average by infinity.
- Chuck Norris generates leads by pointing at people.
If he points at you twice, you lose the right to unsubscribe and your first newborn will be named “eBook” by default.
- When UFC president Dana White asked Chuck Norris to design a landing page for his latest Pay-Per-View campaign; Chuck took out a crayon, artfully sketched a roundhouse kick on the octagon canvas and caught Dana in a Rear Naked Choke… from the front… fully clothed. #TrueStory
- Chuck Norris purposely re-designed a landing page for Vin Diesel and gave it a bounce rate of 200%.
- At a spelling bee in 1947, a young Chuck Norris was asked to spell “optimization”. When the competition judge awoke from his Chuck-induced coma on April 21, 1993, he was swiftly roundhouse kicked in the face by Walker, Texas Ranger… Coincidence? I think not.
- When Chuck Norris visits your landing page, Google Analytics automatically emails you a letter of apology (cc’ing Chuck) to explain why the traffic spike has broken your account, forever.
- When Chuck Norris says a form field is required, he @**#&#! means it.
You’ll know when it’s required by the giant fist icon, Chuck has no respect for asterisks.
One final note…
If you don’t re-tweet this post, Chuck Norris will kick your a**
– Oli Gardner (and Chuck Norris)
The Unbounce Challenge
What else would Chuck Norris do as a marketing expert?
The correct answer is “whatever he wants”. However, if you’ve got some time to kill on a Friday, send us your Chuck Norris marketing facts and we’ll put the best ones in a new list. If Chuck says it’s ok.
Want Higher Conversion Rates?
Sending traffic to targeted landing pages increases conversion rates.
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- 8 Marketing Posts to Fill Your Prescription with Funny Pills
- The 4 Truths of Conversion Marketing
- The Conversion Marketing Scorecard
- 13 Epic Marketing Fails
hahaha….. LOVE it! :)
Hi,
I saw your post after having written this one about Chuck Norris in a web context.
http://www.adviso.ca/blog/2009/10/30/chuck/
unbounce.com What would happen if Chuck Norris decided to become a marketing expert and critique your …
[...] 9 Reasons Why Chuck Norris Shouldn’t Work In Marketing var addthis_language = 'en';var addthis_options = 'email, favorites, digg, delicious, twitter, [...]
Chuck Norris doesn't pay-per-click, he makes YOU pay-per-Click
Just thought of an extension to this one:
PPC now stands for Pay Per Chuck
Haha, nice one Bibiana.
Great stuff – i’ve been following ‘Chuck’ on twitter for a while – lots of mirth – http://twitter.com/ChuckNorriz
@seroicomic very funny!!!! great “chuckinspirating” ^_*
#8 Chuck Norris purposely re-designed a landing page for Vin Diesel and gave it a bounce rate of 200%.
It’s the best!!!! Love Vin Diesel!!!!
“The conversion rate on ChuckNorris.com is whatever Chuck says it is”, Chuck is God remember it!
Chuck Norris generates leads by pointing at people.
I love to work with Chuk!!
Our firm’s owner is a Chuck Norris look-alike, (I swear it’s true) has 30+ years in martial arts (in other words, he’s got his own mean round-house), and indeed he’s also been in web marketing for years.
He’s going to love this post.
To see for yourself, check out our ppl page http://www.2disc.com/our_team.php
[...] we search for and share some tasty tidbits in to help get your week off to a running start. Enjoy! 9 Reasons Why Chuck Norris Shouldn’t Work In Marketing What would happen if Chuck Norris decided to become a marketing expert and critique your favorite [...]
Is there anything Chuck Norris can not do? Haha
Love point 5!
Haha, great!
#1 and #3 are definitely my favourites :-)
@Brad
No, and from now on you’re in his BBoC (Black Book of Chuck)
Chuck is Gods own algorithm ! We are all spam in his eyes.
Win :)
:) – and retweeted. don’t want to get in trouble
Chuck Norris doesn’t need Re-Marketing. Chuck Norris knows you will come back for more anyway!
Haha. Nice one!
estoy leyendo varios de tus articulos, y me parecen muy buenos, felicidades por tu sitio :)
This post (and the comments) has me in stitches :)
[...] 9 Reasons Why Chuck Norris Shouldn’t Work In Marketing: A marketers look at the most baddass man alive. I have to call him that or he’ll roundhouse kick my head off. [...]