Nerds in general are genetically programmed to be genius at some things while not so good at others.
Let’s take flirting as an example: such an arbitrarily random and irrational social behavior – based solely on an instinctive interpretation of body language – is likely to send the geekier amongst us into a mental state somewhat akin to a panic attack or the classic “deer in headlights” syndrome.
Translation: they’re not very good at it.
The Internet Marketing Romeo Nerd
Traditional old-school marketing didn’t have many geeks, but the more contemporary discipline of internet marketing has, by virtue of it’s online proximity, produced a new wave of the nerdy type who are probably as flirtatiously challenged as the engineers and programmers out there.
A point of reference
To illustrate more clearly the struggles that can face the geeky romeo, please observe the following:
Cupid to the rescue
Today I present marketing romantics everywhere with your very own “Pick Up Lines for eMarketing Nerds” handbook.
To help you get it on with your favorite online marketer, you should never leave home without these can’t-miss pick-up lines: (good for boys AND girls)
For scoring with an SEO specialist:
This is definitely a step up on the nerd scale, so we’ll have to be extra tactical in order to rope one of these.
- An SEO specialist approaches a group of girls at a conference and says… What SERP ladies?
(editors note: that should receive rapturous LOL’ing and applause – FTR).
- I really want to deep-link to your sub-page.
- I just did a search of this entire nightclub, and although you’re pretty “second page”, we can still make out.
- Want to know the difference between Google, and a night of passion with me? With Google, you only get two o’s. (Think about it…)
- I just took a mental picture of you and gave it some really naughty ALT tags.
- If you index mine, I’ll index yours.
For picking up an email marketer:
Email marketers are a bit of an open and shut case. They love it when you pay attention to them right away, but they can get frustrated when you label them as important and then forget to call them for 3 weeks.
- I’m not saying I’m a sure thing, but in the last 2 weeks my pants have a 100% open rate. #guarantee
- I found you on my “qualified” email list, does that mean we can skip the foreplay?.
- If we hook up we won’t need any Viagra, which is just as well as I threw it all in my Spam folder. (If you can get past that level you’re gold).
- I’d like to see if your spam can make it through my filter… (sick)
To get in the sack with a Pay-Per-Click specialist:
Ok, this is seriously dodgy territory. The PPC boy/girl is often known to pay to get what they want. Be very careful…
- You make a great first impression, but what I really want to know is your #*$& through rate.
- You’re really into PPC? What a coincidence; I’m really into PVC.
- If you take me out for a romantic dinner I’ll guarantee a good ROI.
- Is that a Call To Action in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (Come on – we had to use that one)
To get busy with an Affiliate marketer:
In the internet marketing world, the Affiliate marketer is the classic Wingman. They do all the legwork, scouting out the hottest singles for you to hook up with, and all they ask for is a small cut in return. Hmmm.
- When I look at you, I want to share more than revenue. (Hopefully not STD’s)
- Don’t mind the guy in the corner, he’s happy to watch as long as he gets $0.40 every time we make out.
Now that you’re armed with the cheesiest pick-up lines in the industry, head on out and snag yourself some nerdy marketing action.
Don’t forget to tell us if you get lucky (or slapped).