The Most Boring Marketing Post You’ll Ever Read

Conversions? Blah blah. Gimme milk idiot. (Original image source)

Boring? Not really – that was just link bait… Hooked yet?

Read, but don’t emulate, these 10 really stupid marketing moves

If you’re guilty of doing or discussing any of these, you need a time out. Maybe go stand in a corner and reconsider your life.

    1. Infographic Semantics

      Ever had an argument about infographics, and whether they’re only valid if they have stats and percentages? ZOMG, find a better use of your time. Information + graphics = infographic. Get over it already, hipster.
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    1. Answering Dumb Questions

      If something is FREE, why am I filling out a form about “my biggest marketing challenge” for this freebie? My biggest marketing challenge is your form.
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    1. Stop Being Verbose (I’m guilty)

      If you have 5 paragraphs of text and no images, you’re either really dull or you like to appeal to dull people. Stop it. Stop it now. The world hates you.
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    1. Respect Thy Stream

      Ever shared a post about marketing that actually bored the crap out of you? Why? What’s wrong with you. #facepalm. There’s enough s**t out there already, so keep your Twitter trigger finger under control for the good stuff. #please
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    1. Don’t Show Negative Social Proof

      Are you happy with 9 Retweets? You shouldn’t be. Learn how to write gooder or get a bar job in a ski resort.
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    1. Be Awesome or Get Off the Pot

      What’s the difference between a great marketer and a crappy marketer? If you can’t answer this question you should seriously consider that bar job I just mentioned. To really understand if you have the ability to be awesome, write some guest posts and see how other audiences react to your ideas. Best recommendation? Start at SEOmoz. The community is awesome, good and bad. They’ll quickly tell you what they think. If they think you’re an idiot, learn from it and come back stronger.
      » Tweet This «

    1. Bad Joke

      A marketer walks into a bar and asks “What’s the most popular drink here?” (demographic research, in case you were wondering). Bartender says: “I have no idea. If you can generate a report on what the best selling beer is in here, I’ll give you $1,000”. Point being, as a marketer, you should always be measuring your campaigns, and your client will expect the same. Told you it was bad. Didn’t even make me laugh, and I laugh at myself all the time. #truestory

    1. Writing is the New Black

      I used to be a marketer. Then I became a writer and my marketing got better. Lesson: the copy matters, and if you suck at writing, you’ll probably be a crappy marketer.
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    1. Use Unbounce!

      How many marketers does it take to change a light bulb? Well first, you need 2 bulbs, to test which one is brighter, then you need an engineer to turn them on for you, then you have to ask IT for a report. Me? Personally, I’d rather go live in a cave and light a candle.
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    1. At Least Tweet it Once Yourself #selfesteem

      I LOVE people who write posts about social proof, and have zero retweets. Makes me feel smart, cos their content sucks.
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So how many are you guilty of? Share in the comments and let’s have a laugh at what we’re doing wrong. If you share, so will I, that’s a promise.

— Oli Gardner

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About Oli Gardner
Unbounce co-founder Oli Gardner has seen more landing pages than anyone on the planet. He’s obsessed with identifying and reversing bad marketing practices, and his disdain for marketers who send campaign traffic to their homepage is legendary, resulting in landing page rants that can peel paint off an unpainted wall. A prolific international keynote speaker, Oli is on a mission to rid the world of marketing mediocrity by using data-informed copywriting, design, interaction, and psychology to create a more delightful experience for marketers and customers alike. He was recently named the "The 2018 Marketer to Watch," in the under 46 category, by his mother.
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