/ Funny50 Things Every Marketer Should Do Before They Die By Oli Gardner on June 27th, 2011 in FunnyTotal463 354 75 34Think you’re a rockstar marketer? Let’s find out. Scan the list below and add up your total, multiply it by 2 and add a % at the end – that’s your rockstar score.Everything that’s left is your marketing bucket list.Image source: freelancefolder.comIn no particular order (how lazy of me) …Get a difficult phrase to rank #1 in Google (i.e. not some random niche that anyone could rank well for)Get more than 100 comments on a blog post that you wroteBreak the 1,000 retweet barrier for a single blog postDesign an infographic – all by yourselfWrite an eBookWrite a real book!Create a lead capture landing page to build a list of leads (you might want to give away the eBook you just wrote in exchange for email addresses)Set up an editorial calendar for content marketingGet a perfect AdWords Quality Score of 10, by crafting a beautiful ad and a perfectly matched landing pageSet up a WordPress blog (sorry Drupal and Joomla, but I think you’re lame)Write a guest post on a big important site/blog (a collection of guest post writing tips here). As for where to write, I’d recommend SEOmoz, Smashing Magazine and Unbounce ;) as good places. Tip: make it your absolute very best work.Get 10,000 followers on Twitter without following more than 1,000Try a 5-second test with a total stranger to see if your homepage messaging is clear and conciseGet enough RSS subscribers to your blog to be proud enough to show the number (I’d suggest > 1,000)Get your blog ranked in the top 150 of the Advertising Age Power 150 (this is not easy)Hit the 1,000 unique visitors per day milestone for your website/blog (unpaid organic search traffic)Make an eBook or whitepaper go viral by using a social exchange tool like PayWithATweet or CloudFlood. Read this case study on making an eBook go viral to see how it works.Run an online contest that requires social actions as part of the entry process (for example, requiring a tweet to enter a contest).Get asked to speak at a conferenceActually speak at a conference (i.e. say yes) – I know Rand and Rick will needle me for this oneHave the conference pay your expenses when you speak (including the bar tab)Get a stalker on Twitter (not a good thing – but it’s probably an indicator of your status)Run a webinarGet people to guest post on your blogWrite a blog post (told you it wasn’t in any particular order) – you’ll be surprised at how many people haven’t ever written a blog postRun a PPC campaignCreate a Facebook page for your businessGet 5,000 people to “Like” your business on FacebookWrite a list post (like the one you’re reading now). Tip: have a brainstorm to get as many ideas as you can for your list post then jam it out in an all-nighter (example: 101 Landing Page Optimization Tips).Go your whole career without referring to yourself as a “Guru”Run an A/B testKeep running A/B test’s until you actually get a conversion liftUse hashtags incorrectly in your Tweets to construct memorable or entertaining statements. e.g. #NotGonnaLieHoneyBadgersAreTotallyBadassDrunk tweetRegret drunk tweetingDelete your tweets because you regretted drunk tweeting (#FAILING can be a valuable lesson)Build a retention path for your customers and implement an email marketing “drip campaign” for itUse guerrilla marketing tactics to spread your message (doing some kind of branded trickery outside a conference so you don’t have to pay to attend)Run a successful affiliate programGet your company reviewed in a top blog like TechCrunch (nudge nudge Michael Arrington)Facilitate a co-marketing initiative to acquire new customers from a company whose customers closely align with your ownMake a custom and useful 404 error page that can draw lost visitors back into your sales funnel. And throw in some humor to placate them a little.Do enough link building to give your website a Page Rank of 6Set up goals and funnels in Google Analytics to be able to report on conversion ratesBe capable of answering c-suite questions such as: Which inbound channels are performing best? What’s our conversion rate?Increase your conversion rate of website visitors to signups by 10%Have a blogathon: write and publish 1 post to your blog every day for a monthCreate a marketing calendar: Mondays for SEO, Tuesdays for Content Marketing, Wednesdays for Conversion Rate Optimization, Thursdays for Email Marketing and Friday for Anlytics etc. And stick to it.Every time you hire a marketer for your team: give them this list as a taskDo something else. Who wants to be a marketer their whole life?What’s Your Rockstar Marketer Score?Remember to count the ones you’ve done. Multiply it by 2 and you have your percentage.For the record I’m at 68% … I’ve done 34/50.» Share your Rockstar Marketer Score on Twitter! «(You’ll be able to add your score in after you click the link)— Oli GardnerAbout Oli Gardner Unbounce co-founder Oli Gardner has seen more landing pages than anyone on the planet. He’s obsessed with identifying and reversing bad marketing practices, and his disdain for marketers who send campaign traffic to their homepage is legendary, resulting in landing page rants that can peel paint off an unpainted wall. A prolific international keynote speaker, Oli is on a mission to rid the world of marketing mediocrity by using data-informed copywriting, design, interaction, and psychology to create a more delightful experience for marketers and customers alike. He was recently named the "The 2018 Marketer to Watch," in the under 46 category, by his mother.» More blog posts by Oli Gardner