The 12 Days of Christmas – A Cheesy Landing Page Optimization Lament

christmas-cat
Image via Shutterstock.

For the holiday season, I’ve taken a quick stab at re-writing that 12 Days of Christmas ditty. If Christmas ain’t really your thing, then hopefully this Christmas cat is enough to bring a smile to your face.

Remember to sing along. Preferably after a few egg nogs or Christmas Ales. (It’ll be funnier).

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • A typo in a CTA

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 2 dove turtles – needless to say they didn’t convert because large tortoise-like animals covered in moisturizing soap doesn’t make much sense to anyone.
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 3rd days of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 3 french pens – no matter how I move my wrist, these pens write in French. I don’t even speak french.
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 4 appalling words – in my H1 tag. Sigh.
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • Fiiiiiiiiiive gold PPC ads on Bing – (sounds like ring. Work with me here)
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 6 clients a-paying – sweeeet!
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 7 Accountants grinning – thanks to #6
  • 6 clients a-paying
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 8 affiliates a-milking – no surprise there
  • 7 accountants grinning
  • 6 clients a-paying
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 9 ladies dancing – I’m not going to change that for anyone, so let’s just say they’re dancing on your landing page wearing Santa hats.
  • 8 affiliates a-milking
  • 7 accountants grinning
  • 6 clients a-paying
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 10 conversions a-leaping
  • 9 ladies dancing
  • 8 affiliates a-milking
  • 7 accountants grinning
  • 6 clients a-paying
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 11 leads converting – woohooo, here’s to Lead Gen Forms!!!
  • 10 conversions a-leaping
  • 9 ladies dancing
  • 8 affiliates a-milking
  • 7 accountants grinning
  • 6 clients a-paying
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

  • 12 drummers drumming – to the beat of 12 hillbillies singing this beautiful song in a swamp while wearing Unbounce t-shirts!!!!!
  • 11 leads converting
  • 10 conversions a-leaping
  • 9 ladies dancing
  • 8 affiliates a-milking
  • 7 accountants grinning
  • 6 clients a-paying
  • 5 goooooold ads on Bing
  • 4 appalling words
  • 3 french pens
  • 2 dove turtles
  • and a typo in a CTA

Happy Holidays!!!

— Unbounce

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About Oli Gardner
Unbounce co-founder Oli Gardner has seen more landing pages than anyone on the planet. He’s obsessed with identifying and reversing bad marketing practices, and his disdain for marketers who send campaign traffic to their homepage is legendary, resulting in landing page rants that can peel paint off an unpainted wall. A prolific international keynote speaker, Oli is on a mission to rid the world of marketing mediocrity by using data-informed copywriting, design, interaction, and psychology to create a more delightful experience for marketers and customers alike. He was recently named the "The 2018 Marketer to Watch," in the under 46 category, by his mother.
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