The Most Boring Marketing Post You’ll Ever Read

By | Google+ , August 23rd, 2012 in Funny | 11 comments
Conversions? Blah blah. Gimme milk idiot. (Original image source)

Boring? Not really – that was just link bait… Hooked yet?

Read, but don’t emulate, these 10 really stupid marketing moves

If you’re guilty of doing or discussing any of these, you need a time out. Maybe go stand in a corner and reconsider your life.

  1. Infographic Semantics

    Ever had an argument about infographics, and whether they’re only valid if they have stats and percentages? ZOMG, find a better use of your time. Information + graphics = infographic. Get over it already, hipster.
    » Tweet This «


  2. Answering Dumb Questions

    If something is FREE, why am I filling out a form about “my biggest marketing challenge” for this freebie? My biggest marketing challenge is your form.
    » Tweet This «


  3. Stop Being Verbose (I’m guilty)

    If you have 5 paragraphs of text and no images, you’re either really dull or you like to appeal to dull people. Stop it. Stop it now. The world hates you.
    » Tweet This «


  4. Respect Thy Stream

    Ever shared a post about marketing that actually bored the crap out of you? Why? What’s wrong with you. #facepalm. There’s enough s**t out there already, so keep your Twitter trigger finger under control for the good stuff. #please
    » Tweet This «


  5. Don’t Show Negative Social Proof

    Are you happy with 9 Retweets? You shouldn’t be. Learn how to write gooder or get a bar job in a ski resort.
    » Tweet This «


  6. Be Awesome or Get Off the Pot

    What’s the difference between a great marketer and a crappy marketer? If you can’t answer this question you should seriously consider that bar job I just mentioned. To really understand if you have the ability to be awesome, write some guest posts and see how other audiences react to your ideas. Best recommendation? Start at SEOmoz. The community is awesome, good and bad. They’ll quickly tell you what they think. If they think you’re an idiot, learn from it and come back stronger.
    » Tweet This «


  7. Bad Joke

    A marketer walks into a bar and asks “What’s the most popular drink here?” (demographic research, in case you were wondering). Bartender says: “I have no idea. If you can generate a report on what the best selling beer is in here, I’ll give you $1,000″. Point being, as a marketer, you should always be measuring your campaigns, and your client will expect the same. Told you it was bad. Didn’t even make me laugh, and I laugh at myself all the time. #truestory


  8. Writing is the New Black

    I used to be a marketer. Then I became a writer and my marketing got better. Lesson: the copy matters, and if you suck at writing, you’ll probably be a crappy marketer.
    » Tweet This «


  9. Use Unbounce!

    How many marketers does it take to change a light bulb? Well first, you need 2 bulbs, to test which one is brighter, then you need an engineer to turn them on for you, then you have to ask IT for a report. Me? Personally, I’d rather go live in a cave and light a candle.
    » Tweet This «


  10. At Least Tweet it Once Yourself #selfesteem

    I LOVE people who write posts about social proof, and have zero retweets. Makes me feel smart, cos their content sucks.
    » Tweet This «


So how many are you guilty of? Share in the comments and let’s have a laugh at what we’re doing wrong. If you share, so will I, that’s a promise.

– Oli Gardner


About The Author

Photo of Oli Gardner

Co-Founder of Unbounce. Oli has seen more landing pages than anyone on the planet. He is an opinionated writer and international speaker on Conversion Centered Design. You should follow Oli on Twitter
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Comments

  1. Piskvor says:

    Yup, you are quite and completely correct. Not just another linkbait fluff piece; THE most boring marketing post EVAH. You also forgot to mention that water is wet.

    • Oli Gardner says:

      Some contention – love it! Shame you didn’t include your email. ftr the whole concept was sarcasm and fun. I hope you reply – otherwise include your email next time.

  2. Sam says:

    Haha! I like your little dig at you-know-who. That’s pretty much word for word what I wrote in their “biggest marketing challenge” form last time I downloaded something from them.

  3. Kyle says:

    Ha great stuff, Oli. I read #3 and immediately retreated to my blog post, threw in a meme of Quentin Tarantino’s character from Pulp Fiction, found a couple other themed memes and, well, if the copy flatlines, at least I have some sweet memes. #jokes

    Truth be told, I’ve been guilty of no picture posts every now and then. :)

    Good to see a little playful blog post every now and then. If nothing more, the awesome “hipster” drop.

  4. Great post Oli, I’m due a #facepalm or two! Don’t think I’m guilty of it any more (followers might disagree!) although I am tweeting this #facepalm ;).

    Only messing, great post and some really valid points among the humour. Cheers, Sean

    • Oli Gardner says:

      lol. Georgiana at Unbounce is the Queen of the facepalm. But that’s usually my fault.

      Glad you enjoyed the post.
      Cheers
      Oli

  5. Kinya says:

    I never post pictures with my blog posts. Then again, I don’t update regularly either. My blog is in transition though; I’m still trying to find a focus and a niche for it. I don’t want to be just another bland marketing/freelance writing blog. There’s too many of those already. I want to stand out, and so my poor baby is in the process of suffering until I nail down exactly which direction I want to go in.

    But I swear I’m going to add pictures to my previous blog posts by the end of the month. At least it’ll make my boring content look pretty.

  6. Brandon says:

    If I could tattoo #2 on the forehead of every marketer, we might finally learn the FREE != 20 question,19 are required, forms from hell lesson.

    Great post and one I plan to share / plaster on my cubicle come Monday morning.

  7. Samantha says:

    You’ve made common sense brilliant and entertaining! It’s difficult to pick a favourite point above, but I’m going with #6. If you’re not going to give it your all to awesome-sauce, then get out of my way :)
    Cheers for a laugh as well as sound points!

  8. Nice article

    I am happy with this reading

    thank you

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